It was my birthday earlier this month. I had a lovely day, S always comes up with the nicest surprises and this year again he made it perfect. I felt loved and soo lucky!
But birthdays are no longer just fun celebrations to me; they're also milestones and make me reflect on the past year and my life in general.
I have so much to be grateful for in my life. I have the most amazing partner, great friends and family, two gorgeous cats, and as of recently I also have my own dream home and garden. I have a job that pays my bills, I have my passions that make me happy, I only have minor health issues that are easily kept under control.
But there's been a shadow hanging over all this, something that can easily take everything I have away from me. The current political situation in the UK (Brexit) means I've been living in fear over the past several months. As a EU citizen living in the UK I really don't like the way things are going, with the government constantly refusing to guarantee the rights of people like me. My entire life I've been building here for the past 11 years can be taken away with one political decision. People say it's unlikely that they make people leave the country - fair enough, but until there is an actual guarantee anything can happen. And the slightest risk of losing my home and family makes me sick with fear (for reasons I will keep to myself, in case I wasn't allowed to stay in the UK, my family will literally fall apart as S will not be able to leave with me).
S was considerate enough to put music on in the car on my birthday instead of the usual radio station, so I didn't get upset listening to the news. I don't think about this all the time, I'd lose my mind if I did, but it's always somewhere at the back of my mind, easily provoked. This overwhelming fear of losing everything I've got and never seeing my family again.
I am prone to exaggeration, drama and depression, so I've been told. To me it's more about hoping for the best but preparing for the worst... Although how do you prepare for this?
Sad, sad times.